We’ve all been there: “Oh gosh! I identify as this nontraditional thing and I am really into this person (on the first date). Do I tell them now or do I see how this goes?” First of all, those questions are very understandable and any reaction you have to that is valid. However, it does not hurt to consider your responses before hand, therefore, if you are looking for a helping hand in this scary journey of dating then read on…
1. Bisexual
So, you are on a date with someone and it’s going way better than you could have ever imagined. So much so that you have ignored every phone call from your best friend who you told to call you every hour, on the hour with some kind of emergency so you could have an out on this blind date. Now here you are, closer towards the end of the date and you are really starting to like this person. Do you tell them that you have dated and/or have an attraction to someone of the opposite sex? What if that changes their opinion of you? You may ask yourself at this point should I tell them that I am bisexual? Here is my opinion; the answer is, yes. Always err on the side of honesty. Of coarse, always use your best judgment in any situation you are in and if you don’t feel comfortable at that time to divulge that information based on whatever circumstances than always do what you feel is best. However, within the first one to three dates, I would say that this is very important information for the potential person involved in your life. This is an aspect of your life that is undeniable and you have no control over. So, any person entering into your life needs to be aware and opened to that part of you. My advice to you, do not be afraid and be aware of your boundaries. But, also understand that these are common troubles and you are not alone.
2. Polyamorous
What if you are in a highly flirtatious situation that seems to be going really well. All the sudden, they ask you out on a date, but you are dating another person or dating multiple other people. Do you tell them and potentially lose this connection? Or do you keep it to yourself and move forward with the knowledge that you will have to face an awkward situation later in your dating experience with this person? In this scenario, I would say that, it depends. Usually, in situations like this, you can tell if the person is reciprocal to your identified lifestyle. If you cannot tell then it is your place to use your best judgment, best communication skills, and hold true to yourself. If you believe that the potential relationship is progressing to the point of real connectivity then it is your responsibility to convey your identifiers, regardless of how scary or intimidating it might be. At the end of the day if they accept you, good and if they don’t then oh well.
3. Trans
Oh boy! Here we are. Diving into the thought of explaining such a complex issue to an individual that your very interested in romantically. The amount of questions that you could ask yourself is copious and all encompassing. Here, you are on a first date and it’s going pretty well and you definitely want a second date, even a third. But there is this gnawing thought at the back of your mind; do you bring up the fact that you are trans? What’s the answer to this question you wonder? Once again, it depends. It’s up to you! Your journey through your own sexuality and gender identity is exactly that. It’s your journey, so anything outside of that methodology does not matter. As long as you behave with integrity and without malicious intent then your judgment as to when you divulge your trans identity is up to you. In my opinion, I would say you are better off sooner rather than later because if they do not have the open mindedness to listen and accept then they may not deserve you and the incredible journey that you bring with you.
Just remember no one gets to decide who you are and they should not judge you based on your sexuality. Therefore, if you are ever in a situation where people are providing negative or malicious intent towards how you are living your life than those people may not be for you.
The Dating Code 